omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
