He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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