there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I need to sanitize my soul.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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