She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
