ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
