Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
