if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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