So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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