at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
