so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
