Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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