now i know why i became what i already was.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
