I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
