All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
