just come out here and I will go home with you...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
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the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
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The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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