Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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