grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
