Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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