loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
