sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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