Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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