i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
