I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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