I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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