I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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