MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
There are leaves in my underwear?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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