My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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