He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
