At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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