My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
