I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
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Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
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I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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