i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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