when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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