summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
