walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
