hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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