i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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