He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
