lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
