I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
