i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
