I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
