yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
