THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
