If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
