forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
