Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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