i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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