When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
