Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Hippo gnu deer
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
