Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
