there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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