please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
