Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize