oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
