'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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