We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
