Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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