Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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