Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
