But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he told me I talked like a deaf person
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
