I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
