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• (323): View more from California

  my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.

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• (281): View more from Texas

  If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking

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• (972): View more from Texas

  Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.

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• (510): View more from California

  note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.

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• (281): View more from Texas

  When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.

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• (+66): View more from Thailand

  Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.

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