Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
