I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
