The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize