Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
