Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
