Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
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SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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