I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
