Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
