mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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