I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
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Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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