i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I AM VODKA MAN
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
