Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I have tasted many bathrooms
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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