Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
