normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
